Finally got to record a cover with one of my beloved friends and sisters in Christ. 🙂
Jesus Loves Me – Chris Tomlin (Cover)
After OIL, I’ve been listening to this song on repeat. Initially, it was a really difficult song for me to sing/play because I couldn’t bring myself to believe the words. I’m sometimes ashamed to call myself a Christian because of how easily I say, “God doesn’t love me” after just one struggle or failure. My primary response to every trial always seems to be to question the gospel. And I get prideful enough to think that there is no way that someone as sinful and messed-up as me could ever be loved by God.
But something that God has been teaching me over and over and over… again is that there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop his love. Sounds super obvious I know, but it’s a truth I feel nobody can be reminded of enough. I hear, sing, and pray about the gospel all the time, yet I am so so quick to forget God’s love for me. Why…? Because something doesn’t go my way? Because I’m stuck in a situation I can’t control? Because I seem to be failing all the time and committing the same sins over and over again? ….Why? When did God ever consider these things whilst making the decision to love us? Who am I to think that he sent Jesus because of anything I did or didn’t do? No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be able to run from his presence. So why even waste my time doubting?
I know I know, I’m using some big/heavy words when it’s much easier said than done. And even though I’m more convinced about God’s love than ever before, I know there will still be times when I doubt it. But regardless of any uncertainties I have, God will never be uncertain in his love for me. And of course, living as a recipient of God’s love is far from easy breezy. Sometimes God’s dominant way of showing us his love is by putting difficult and confusing struggles in our lives. It’s so hard to live through them and our shortsightedness will prevent us from seeing God’s love through them. We may question whether it’s even worth it to live as a Christian and want to quit. But every time I feel like quitting, I just need to quit my plan to quit. That’s what God will make me end up doing anyway so might as well. He loves me so much and will never ever let me give up even if I tried.
He thought it was absolutely worth it to die for me. It is absolutely worth it to live for him.
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angles nor demons, nor the present nor the future, nor any other power, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” [Romans 8:38-39]
“The only time I ever saw him run, was when he ran to me.”
A few days ago, I turned 23.
It’s mind-blowing to think about, and I’m still having a hard time letting the reality sink in. I think when everyone turns another year older, some deep, lame thought about identity runs through their mind, like one of those “What am I doing with my life?” sorta things. I remember when I was 10, I always imagined what my life would be like by the time I hit my 20’s. Things along the lines of jobs, money, and even marriage. Pretty big ambitions and goals. I remember at that age I was so excited to hit my 20’s. But now that I’m here, I don’t know what to think of it. Reflection after reflection, and all I can seem to fill my head with is anything else but achievements. So many regrets, so many failures, so many broken commitments…everything feels kind of directionless and purposeless.
But for some reason, this year as I reflect, I’m reminded of another truth: I’m still alive haha. But really, I am. I’m still alive. I’m still here. I’m still breathing and moving, all five of my senses work, and I am far from being placed in an emergency room. I’ve struggled, failed, and broken commitments, but I’m still in one piece. I’ve been alive for TWENTY THREE years. Danggg…..God is so good. Such a long time to deal with someone as unfaithful and uncommitted as me, yet he still gives me another year to live. He still chooses to supply with me new mercies every morning. And even with all of its sins and brokenness, he still chooses to use my life for his glory. My heart is overwhelmed.
What will this year bring? I have no idea. But whatever the case is, it’s great to be alive.
“21 Was not our ancestor Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? 22 You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. 23 And the scripture was fulfilled that says, “Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,”[a] and he was called God’s friend.” – James 2:21-23 (NIV)
As Christians, we are called to be radical people: ones who will go above and beyond to do things the world considers absolutely crazy. But the crazy thing about doing crazy things is the fact that for Christians, this should be completely normal. And through Abraham’s example, there is a clear glimpse of just how “crazy” our norm should be.
Abraham was a man that followed God’s commands to whatever end with no questions asked. When God called him to leave his town and move to a new land, Abraham wholeheartedly obeyed him even though he had no idea where he was going and why he was going there. It was basically as if Abraham was blindfolded and God was leading him like a blind animal being pulled by a rope, but even then he still went. Even when God told Abraham to sacrifice his only son, he did without a single question or complaint. Why? Because that’s how much he trusted God. We look at Abraham as an amazing character of faith, and indeed he was. But think again and I realize that God has placed me in no different boat. Through this passage, God made it clear to me that Abraham’s faith isn’t just the best type of faith to have, but it is the only type of faith we should have.
When we desire to put our prayers into action, these are the very type of “crazy” things that God will call us to do. That is just how prepared I need to be to show my faith. That is what it means to live as a Christian and carry my cross daily. Not knowing anything, not understanding everything, but still doing things only because of a COMPLETE trust and dependence on God. Nothing more, nothing less.
Let faith arise…
“I see a star, you see a galaxy.
I see one man counting sand, but you see generations.
Who but you?”