Captain [6.10.17]

It’s been a while, but in light of recent events I decided to record another cover 🙂
Captain – Hillsong United (Cover)
[https://soundcloud.com/gloriahhhxp/captain-hillsong-united-cover-amanda-kim-gloria-bang]


This song was inspired from the verses Proverbs 3:5-6 where God tells us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Currently, I’m in a pretty anxious stage of my life where there are many unanswered questions. Trying to figure out my future and plans for next year has started to become very pressuring, and I usually find myself responding with worry and doubt. Maybe it’s the fact that I recently entered my late 20’s, or maybe it’s from me making comparisons with my life to the lives of the friends and colleagues around me. Whatever the case is, it’s clear that I’m dissatisfied with where I am, and all I want is some sort of visible sign that my life is moving forward. I’ve been spending a lot of time in prayer and the Word, but have many times felt discouraged because none of it seemed to be giving me answers.

But even in the midst of my impatience through this waiting, God has been working and teaching me again how to trust. I’ve been a Christian basically all my life, but it turned out that the very solution to this issue was to return to step 1: having faith in the one who died for me, picking up my cross daily, and completely surrendering my life to him. I revisited the idea of what it really means to surrender, being reminded that it is nothing about my plans or my timing, but all and only about his.

And as I am fighting to surrender, I’m also learning more and more that it is never a self-sacrifice. When I give my life to Christ, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. God is always, always working for the sake of my good, and nothing out of the love in his character will change that. Surrendering to him is not just something I should do, but something that is absolutely worth doing. As I continue to go through “uncharted waters,” I pray that I will keep learning how to die to myself and fully trust in the one who makes all things beautiful in his time.

“All my allegiance is rightfully yours.”

Advertisements

A Bridge to Christ [6.20.15]

This week has just been full of random deep talks with random people. I honestly don’t know how they started, but from one point to another, a simple hello suddenly led to discussions about life, relationships, personal issues, etc. I’m always overwhelmed when I hear about other people struggling, but at the same time I’m thankful. There were so many things to think about, but also so many things pray about.

I think every time someone opens up and shares with me, I start to feel some sort of pressure building up inside of me. It’s a good kind of pressure. It’s one of those feelings where you desperately want to help them, whether it would be to offer some good advice or just be the shoulder they need to cry on. But at the same time having this feeling can often be very dejecting, because it sometimes leads to a realization that you’re just not the right person to help them. I used to think that if someone opens up to you, then by default you were the right person to help them out. But sometimes, God’s reason for bringing these people to you isn’t so that you can change them or give them direct encouragement, but it’s to reveal one more thing to pray for or one more thing to support behind the scenes. Sinfully, I hate that. Every time someone shares a struggle with me I can’t just sit there. It’s not sufficient enough for me to just watch them go through it and just pray on the sidelines. For some reason, doing that just makes me feel so useless and deficient. I start thinking things like maybe the reason why I can’t help them out is because I don’t have enough knowledge, or maybe because I haven’t read the Bible enough. And while that might be the case, it is definitely not what God wants me to take away from the experience.

What I have to remember is that every person in my life is a blessing from God. It is not based on anything I did or will do in their life. Whether it’s one of my closest friends, or a unnamed homeless man on the sidewalk God gives me the grace to notice, I should be doing nothing else other than becoming an invisible bridge between them and Christ. Not at any point should I be prideful and give myself the right to say that I’m the right person to speak into their life or that God sent this person to me so that I could change them. Of course sometimes that might be the case, but it’s never for me to decide. In every interaction I have, I need to be prayerful and discerning in why God sent them to me and what he wants me to do for them. And once I figure that out, regardless of whether it’s praying behind the scenes or caring for them openly, I need to do it wholeheartedly with the exclusive reason of pointing them to Christ.

Where it all began…[02.05.15]

Father, I never want to forget you.
I never want to forget who you are.
I never want to forget how I’ve been changed by you.
Please help me to be thankful in the midst of my struggles, my discouragements, my failures.
I don’t want to define myself by these things anymore
I don’t want to forget the weight of the cross.
I don’t want to forget the price you paid.
I want to believe each one is being made perfect through you.
I want to believe that you are sovereign.
Please help me to believe.
I’m so thankful to have struggles to depend on you for.
I’m so thankful to have weaknesses that show me my need for you.
I’m so thankful to have been a sinner and experienced your love and mercy.
I’m so thankful to have this opportunity to live for you.
I’m so thankful.
So so thankful.
Please help me never to forget…

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
– 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Jesus Loves Me [01.22.15]

Finally got to record a cover with one of my beloved friends and sisters in Christ. 🙂
Jesus Loves Me – Chris Tomlin (Cover)
[https://soundcloud.com/gloriahhhxp/jesus-loves-me-chris-tomlin-cover-jane-ki-gloria-bang]


After OIL, I’ve been listening to this song on repeat. Initially, it was a really difficult song for me to sing/play because I couldn’t bring myself to believe the words. I’m sometimes ashamed to call myself a Christian because of how easily I say, “God doesn’t love me” after just one struggle or failure. My primary response to every trial always seems to be to question the gospel. And I get prideful enough to think that there is no way that someone as sinful and messed-up as me could ever be loved by God.

But something that God has been teaching me over and over and over… again is that there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop his love. Sounds super obvious I know, but it’s a truth I feel nobody can be reminded of enough. I hear, sing, and pray about the gospel all the time, yet I am so so quick to forget God’s love for me. Why…? Because something doesn’t go my way? Because I’m stuck in a situation I can’t control? Because I seem to be failing all the time and committing the same sins over and over again? ….Why? When did God ever consider these things whilst making the decision to love us? Who am I to think that he sent Jesus because of anything I did or didn’t do? No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be able to run from his presence. So why even waste my time doubting?

I know I know, I’m using some big/heavy words when it’s much easier said than done. And even though I’m more convinced about God’s love than ever before, I know there will still be times when I doubt it. But regardless of any uncertainties I have, God will never be uncertain in his love for me. And of course, living as a recipient of God’s love is far from easy breezy. Sometimes God’s dominant way of showing us his love is by putting difficult and confusing struggles in our lives. It’s so hard to live through them and our shortsightedness will prevent us from seeing God’s love through them. We may question whether it’s even worth it to live as a Christian and want to quit. But every time I feel like quitting, I just need to quit my plan to quit. That’s what God will make me end up doing anyway so might as well. He loves me so much and will never ever let me give up even if I tried.

He thought it was absolutely worth it to die for me. It is absolutely worth it to live for him.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angles nor demons, nor the present nor the future, nor any other power, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” [Romans 8:38-39]