Today, I went out for a run for the first time since last summer. I don’t know why I suddenly felt like doing it after being unmotivated for so long. Maybe it was because of the beautiful evening weather or because of the influence from my small group members always talking about going to the gym, lifting, and running 5k’s haha. But whatever the case was, I’m truly thankful I went.
While I was pulling up the old workout playlist I made years ago, the songs that rang through my ears brought me nostalgic, bittersweet feelings. It reminded of the potential and dedication I once used to have, but how because of life’s circumstances, this dedication of the past had quickly dwindled down to laziness in the present. Granted I do have a lot more things on my plate now, but I think today showed me that my reasons for saying I had “no time” were more or less excuses. I harbored a lot of regret as I was running because of how quickly tired I got and from thinking about all those moments I could have spent running instead of mindlessly passing the time. I felt partially mad at myself and partially ashamed.
It’s hard to believe that even with such a clear visible step backward that God still sees it as progression. But he really does. I have progressed whether I want to believe it or not. And instead of beating myself up or being regretful like I normally do, I want to fight to see the progression too. Not just in the physical stamina sense (thank God that’s not the only way to grow lol), but also spiritually. After all, my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. It’s about time I started taking better care of it for both a physical sake and a spiritual sake. Granted, by God’s grace, I’ll admit have grown a lot, but I’ve been too satisfied with where I am and I lack a lot of urgency. I really need to see my need for Jesus and believe that God is constantly working in me regardless of how much I fail. May I never ever be satisfied or content with where I am in my walk with God.
On a side note, I took a stop at a park on Third Street and did a little stargazing on the swings. I forgot how beautiful and close the stars in Champaign are. It was definitely one of those times I wish I had a fancy, expensive DSLR camera to capture the moment. Oh well. Maybe in the future when I get a full time job and I’m done paying off my loans…in like 10 years haha.